Tuesday, November 20, 2012

An exercise in humility

I have some pretty epic failures. In all aspects of life. Especially following rules. For example:

Can. 1251 Abstinence from meat, or from some other food as determined by the Episcopal Conference, is to be observed on all Fridays, unless a solemnity should fall on a Friday. Abstinence and fasting are to be observed on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.

For the life of me, I can never abstain completely from meat on Friday. I try so hard, and start off the day really determined to do what I have to do to get through the day meat-less. And the worst is that I LOVE fish, beans, lentils, legumes, everything a vegetarian would recommend eating. And yet, by the end of the night, I end up with a mouthful (or more) of some delicious animal flesh. Sometimes, it happens by mistake, and I remember as I swallow Im not supposed to be eating this. Other times, I have a 2.5 seconds of hesitation before stuffing myself.

I also dont go to church every Sunday. There are some real excuses, thanfully most of the times, that are legit. Like sickness, unavoidable work, etc. Other times, Im just being lazy and blame my tardiness on my purposely lowered alarm. Lame sauce right there.

I STILL havent been to 'real' confessional, because, to be quite frank, Im terrified of being completely accountable for my actions. Im scared of what comes during, and after. Receiving the Host of Christ? Shocking and terrifying.

I lie and cheat, more frequently than I like.

I give in to bad cravings all the time and exercise never.

I pray two days out of three. I dont have time to dust, and forgotten clothes stay in the dryer more often than I care to admit. Also, I forget about leftovers in the fridge and only remember them when they start moving.

I yell LOUDLY at J instead of being understanding. I get frustrated at him for failings in myself. So not cool.

I am bound to fail again and again. Depressing, no? But then I just play this on repeat.

We're the reflection of imperfection,
We come from the infinite place of limitation.
Rejoice in these days, make a correction,
We're the completion.

1 comment:

  1. I loved this.

    Sometimes, I don't feel like reading books with Ambrose. I just want to nap or read my book, and if that's not possible, I'd rather browse FB than actually engage with him.

    I have sins I struggle with. At confession, waiting in line, I tell myself, "I need to have a PLAN for this, not just feelings of sorrow!". It happens over and over. (Recently maybe I had a new insight which has helped - so far, so good - we shall see the fruit! But it took 3+ years.)

    I hug you, I love you, I encourage you.

    Just FYI, the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops - the body that has authority to apply the Vatican to Canada, so to speak - has determined that the Friday abstinence of meat can be alternated for other forms of penance (see http://www.cccb.ca/site/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2319&Itemid=1172&lang=eng).