I look back at 2012 as a year of difficulty. Job changes and twists and turns of all kinds seems to mark 2012 as a year full of hardships. If I had to pick three words to describe 2012 it would be anger, fear, and worry. Were there good moments? Absolutely.
Like my good friend becoming pregnant, something that she had wished for for so long. Like finding this appartment, which suits our needs so perfectly. Like celebrating our first year of marriage.
It just seems that the negative is clouding over the positive, and Ive decided to let it. Im aknowledging the negativity and black looming cloud that was 2012. And Im letting it go. I truly feel like there is nowhere to go but up, now. And I am basking in that feeling.
If there was one resolution I want to make, and keep, during 2013, its love. I want to fill myself with that feeling that love brings me when I give in to it. Because so often, we dont allow ourselves to surrender to love. But more and more I notice that love is at the core of it all. Peace cannot come without love. Happiness cannot come without love. Acceptance cannot come without love.
Love is at the centre of every good thing. And the only way to soothe hate and anger and bitterness, is with unfailing, unreserved, and boundary free love.
So in short, I want to give in to that love and let it fill my heart and soul. I realize I am no saint, I am certainly no Mother Teresa, but I can take the small actions of my life and put thought and effort and will into filling them with love. Like loving my husband, and my dogs. Loving my home. Loving others, both familiar and unfamiliar. Loving the earth, loving things small and large. Loving my God, who shows me nothing but love in return for nothing. And especially, learning and allowing myself to love myself.
And that is the hardest thing of them all.