Faith in good times is easy. When everything is going awesome, when everything is going your way, its simple to say a little prayer here, feel grateful there. The real issue comes when life sucks, and you cant see then end, and you feel like your dying, or maybe death is the better option that what it is your currently living through. There is nothing harder, nothing more excrutiating, than saying thank you God for what I DO have, because who the hell has the heart to look on the good side if your surrounded by your own personal hell?
But what I am very sloooowly learning, is that God is with me every single moment of my life. High times, low times, hellish times, He is here with me with His all encompassing love and I really feel like when I feel like shit and Im full of pain and hurt, He hurts that I hurt, like my mother would. When I was bad tripping hard and yelling at evil hallucinations, she was there with her eyes full of tears, hurting that I hurt, she couldnt do anything but be here and wait for me to ride it out and hold me afterwards.
That's exactly what I feel God is doing, but for my soul. I, as a human always in sin and hurt, continuously go through bad trips. There is no getting around that. There is going to be shitty moments for the rest of my life. But I feel better about that, because I know my friends and family will always be here for me to hold me up, and help heal my heart and my body. And God will always be here to heal my soul.
I just have to let Him.