I thought that with the end of school, would come the opening of my schedule. The availability to do what I wanted, relatively, and when I wanted. Ha. I think I got addicted to this ultra-busy schedule of mine and thought I would be bored having nothing precise to do, so hey, why not plan a wedding on my own? It is absolutely ridiculous the amount of preparation, organization, and ultimately stress this has brought. And for what? For me to be able to prove that yes, I can do this! Yes, I can have a wonderful wedding ceremony and reception on a low low budget by planning to do many little things by hand and burying myself in research on how to get that thing without paying that price. Once again, ha.
How many times did I listen to married women saying how if they could go back and change things, they would do things simpler, easier, and draw support from family and friends, they absolutely would. Because those tiny little details you spent 5 hours on? Noone notices or remembers. And why would they? Most of them are there to witness the union of two people for a lifetime commitment, celebrate and feast afterwards. Our society has added on useless things like programs, useless and expensive guest favors, table centerpieces that serves only to bring unhappiness and envy through comparison, and enormous wedding cakes that for some reason have to match the wedding bouquet (??????). I had always said to myself that I would never crumble under the pressure of giving in to consumerism and waste. Did I already say HA?
I vented to Amy through a letter a couple of weeks ago about all this craziness in my head that resulted from stupid wedding things. And her reply really made me pause to reflect (especially the fuck 'em part LOL). I was self-inflicting this stress, and really, I have all the power in the world to make it stop. And I will. There are two aspects of the reception that I always dreamed about, that have completely been put aside through devoting myself to dumb stuff.
One, is the guest book. That silly book that costs a forune because it must be in a pretty case and then gets stowed away in the attic type thing. I dont want that. Or rather, I do but I want to do something with my hands. I was thinking of making a painting with a tree and having each leaf be a signature, or something of the kind. The second thing, is I have always dreamed of having a dessert buffet where everyone (that wants to) would make their special dessert and have a potluck of homemade sweets if you may. I had tentatively broached the subject to my mother and mother-in-law and met such backlash that I immediately dropped the subject. But I realized how much I wanted that, and that if I couldn't have that, then I could myself make some desserts. So I have made a list of easy desserts that I can freeze and thaw the day prior, and this is one thing I am really looking forward to making.
Throughout all of this, I have to remember that I can lay all my problems at the feet of God, and He will take care of me. And if I can remember to praise Him in everything I do, and to lean on Him in times of stress and difficulty, then everything will fall into place and things will happen as they are meant to happen.