Truth

There are many things with Christianity (Catholism and Orthodoxy confounded) that are still huge hurdles to me. I dont understand it, I dont agree with it, and they are quite literally blocking me from becoming the person I want to become. Im very sloooowly working my way through these issues (I havent resolved any but one, yet) and I feel like this is probably going to be a lifelong journey, and I will probably never be rid of these inner demons (faith vs reason, faith vs common sense, faith vs upbringing, faith vs social world).

But, lately, I have 'sat down' with myself, and had a good ole conversation about pro-life vs pro-choice. That nasty debate that has raged within for the last 5 years of my life. I most obviously cannot call myself a Christian were I pro-choice, given the fact that the belief is that life is made as of insemination, a soul within that miniscule tiny speck of a human body, and removing it by any forced means is equal to murder.

That was not something I rebelled against, accepting it as their logic. In the meantime, I was an ardent pro-choice worker who made and signed petitions, showed up at rallys, was very hard to beat in a debate of this topic, and pressured friends to 'wake up and smell the coffee'. Until about three years ago.

Things started to slowly shift from that moment on. This issue was not as black and white as I had initially thought. My feelings on the subject were starting to get mixed. My previous statements were along the lines of it (being the fetus) being less that 5-6 weeks, its heart had not developped and wasnt beating, therefor it was not human yet. Abortion made before those 5-6 weeks was ok. *-But the more I thought about this, the more it didnt make sense. With the previous statement, I obviously believed the fetus was a developing human. How could I decide when or when not the fetus was human? Wasn't it always human, from the moment of conception? When a person passed away and their hearts stilled, did they stop being human? When someone was artifically supported by hospital machines, in a case of coma lets say, did they stop being human? No. So how was a developping fetus not a human? Ever?

Since then, these things have been rolling around in my mind. Rolling and shifting and never settling. I avoided the subject all together, feeling cheap that I couldnt say I believe in this or I believe in that. I didnt know what I believed. Until maybe a few days ago. I had had enough of my wishy washy bs. Time to put words to thoughts.

Abortion is wrong.

Fetus is just an ugly word people use to replace baby to make them feel better.

It is human life that is created as of conception.

Abortion is murder.

I am pro-life, and will do everything that I can to help other women to keep well away from abortion.

Of course, I thought 'what about rapes, incest, terrible cases as such?'. But the answer came easily. I know now that as of the moment of conception, it is a human being with a soul. No matter how terrible the case, I could never sanctify murder.

Since I admitted to myself these facts, I feel like Im settling more. Im more peaceful. I know the rest will come, with time. But this is one feuding war that's at last being put to bed.